Jan 2nd, day 5: I fucking gained. I knew I would because of how many cookies I ate yesterday but it hurts so fucking much now. when I was basically still a fatass I wouldn't mind it unless I gained a bunch. But I gained a pound and I feel disgusting even if it's mostly food weight. I need to eat less, only fruit for dessert no cookies or whatever. And especially things that mom brings home. I need to get back to losing weight, one mess up and it'll send me back to my mindless autopilot binges and considering basically 3 meals a day plus snacks dieting. I need to be better then that, be anorexic, anorexics don't have fucking cookies and whatever. I've been doing good but none of this cookie baked goods shit, just stick to my fruits and cabbage and rice, that's all I need. I actually cried about my weight this time too, fuck I'm actually becoming anorexic, fuck yes, I'm getting closer to my goal, I just need my weight to plummet. My emotions are like one for now, but they need to control my actions now. And no, I'm not telling you my weight. Because I'm medically and societally considered a fucking cow. I'll tell you when I'm at a lower weight, when I can actually be proud of it, if anyone is actually listening to this or even cares....